let me call myself icarus

Hope Milo, New Zealand

on nights like these, i whisper your name in the dark—never loud enough for the wind to carry it back to you. so let me say your name again, if only to throw a lifeline to my own drowning body. let me recite it over and over like a sacred prayer to save myself from my own undoing. let me call out your name; let me call myself icarus. let me pull threads of sunlight from behind the clouds and sew you back together when you fall apart. let me yank the sun off its hinges in the winter sky just to leave it in a ribboned box under your christmas tree. let me fall & shrivel up & burn, and let it all have been worth it. let me wrap myself in the phantom ache of your arms around me on a cold day; let me remember and remember and remember the warmth of your touch. if you remember one thing, let it be the sound of my voice saying your name and not goodbye.

ways in which i love you

Hope Milo, New Zealand

I. alone and quietly in the middle of the night, in the same way my footsteps on the hardwood are so much louder at 4 a.m. than when the whole house is awake the next day.

II. ragingly, from the bottom of the ocean. swallowed by waves upon waves of wanting just to end up drowning in you. screaming your name like a deathbed prayer until rust corrodes my eyes. i’m just now realising the poets were right when they said love is blind.

III. like a dog with a bird in my teeth, tail wagging at your front door. here to say, hope is the thing with feathers. here to say, i killed it just for you.

IV. fearfully; running like water from your hands. i am too scared to give you the truth so instead i give you the moon. i leave before you can give it back to me. it’s only ever been yours to hold.

V. alone and quietly, from a distance. i put this poem in an envelope and address it to your neighbour’s mailbox, in the same way i always make sure to love you from just a little too far.

*This piece takes inspiration from “Moon Song” and “I Know The End” by Phoebe Bridgers as well as “Hope is the thing with feathers” by Emily Dickinson.

Hope Milo is an Asian-Kiwi musician and writer from Aotearoa New Zealand. She is a high-school student who enjoys reading poetry, over-analysing song lyrics, messing around on musical instruments and staring at the stars. Her work has been published in several online journals, and she occasionally posts poetry on her Instagram account @byhopemilo when she remembers it exists.